Tag Archives: parenting

Structure Is Key

Four Ways To A Calmer Household

Structure

When we have new friends over, the most common comment we hear is about our son’s bedtime.  Regardless of the event, my son goes to bed at the same time.  Every night.  He says goodnight to everyone, we tuck him in, and then he goes to sleep.  It never fails that the next comment is, “That’s it?  He’s sleeping?”

Now this is not to say we don’t have our other challenges.  Because we do, believe me, we do.  But bedtime has always been fairly easy for us.  And I credit this to the structure and routine we established from day 1.

In the other part of my life, as a therapist, one of the most common themes I have observed is lack of structure in the home.  With chaotic schedules, long work hours, after-school activities, and social obligations, families find it difficult to maintain a routine.  However, this lack of routine and structure is harming our families.

Establishing and consistently maintaining structure within the home and family is one of the most difficult things to accomplish.  But it pays off.  Everyone benefits from structure.   Whether they admit it or not, kids crave structure and parents will reap the rewards that structure can bring to a home environment.

Ok, now, how do you do it?

  • Set a bedtime: No matter the age, a child or adolescent should have a set time when they are expected to settle down and get into bed.  This consistency allows their body to adjust to a set number of hours of sleep which will help with focus.
    • Bonus: If your child goes to bed at the same time each night, you have a guaranteed break or down time by yourself or with your significant other.
  • Establish dinner time: Family dinners are ideal as it give you time to connect and share your day.  But if your schedule does not allow for this, at minimum, establish a set time your child eats meals to prevent meltdowns due to hunger and help with appetite control.
  • Develop a plan for homework time: Establish expectations for when your child will complete their homework.  This will prevent conflicts over last minute homework needs and power struggles.
    • Does he or she get a break after school before beginning homework?  If so, how long?
    • If your child participates in sports, is homework completed before practice, after, before dinner, etc?
    • Does homework have to be completed before tv or video games?
  • Establish clear rules and expectations, along with rewards and consequences: The more you and your child understand what is expected, the less conflict you will likely experience.  There is less emotion when concrete household rules are communicated as well as the consequences to broken rules.

Start small. Choose a few things that you would like to add into your routine.  The more you involve your child in the conversation about structure, the more buy-in you will get.  Let them choose appropriate rewards that will help motivate them to follow the established rules.  But ultimately, you as the parent, will need to establish structure and be consistent in your follow through.  There will be setbacks and every routine needs flexibility, but the more you work at it, the better results you will see!

Positive Parenting

Positive Child Discipline – Improve Your Kid’s Behavior

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By   |   Submitted On October 29, 2009

Recommend ArticleYou know what you want. You want to improve your kid’s behavior. But you want positive child discipline, not something that involves punishment or hurtful reactions.

I can help. To start, let’s try to understand why your child misbehaves. The answer is simply because it works for him. Yes, your child has learned that by swearing or kicking or yelling, he gets his way. He has found the most effective way that works for him.

It’s not as strange as you might think. And it can apply from sharing his belongings to working with other kids in class. Let’s look at an example to see how this might come about.

Suppose another child at school is picking on your son. And even when he tries to walk away, the teasing continues. Well, maybe he decides on another tact and become aggressive with the other boy, who backs down. Whoa, your son sees that this new aggressive behavior had positive results.

And when this happens, your son considers behaving like this with his sister and maybe even you.If it works in these other situations, it only reinforces the behavior. Your son will have discovered that this solution works best for him. It’s the easiest path to getting what he wants.

So you’ve got to stop this behavior before it gets worse. The solution is to use consequences to curtail inappropriate behavior and reinforce positive ones.

Consequences work by letting your child know in advance what will happen when the negative behavior occurs. In effect, you need to set a cause and effect relationship in his head. When he behaves badly, something negative happens to him.

Let’s use an example to illustrate how consequences work. Let’s say that whenever your son and daughter argue, both of them must go to their room. And after a specific time, they must come out and apologize.

Now they both know beforehand what will happen if they argue. So if they do argue, they understand they must face the consequences of their actions.

When you come to see how consequences work, you can also see how punishment doesn’t have the desired effect. In fact, punishment can often make a situation worse and cause resentment or other negative actions. Many parents confuse punishment and consequences.

This confusion is discussed in a free video I am making available. It discusses the number one mistakes parent make when applying consequences. Check out my website ADD ADHD Advances. Knowing how to use consequences is the first step to applying positive child discipline. It makes a big difference when trying to improve your kid’s behavior.

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer who has been helping parents of children with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder online since 2003. Get help with Oppositional Defiant Disorder child behavior help with defiant teens ADHD treatment and ADHD. Check out our Free video that discusses the number one mistakes parent make when applying consequences.

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