Positive Parenting

I can help. To start, let’s try to understand why your child misbehaves. The answer is simply because it works for him. Yes, your child has learned that by swearing or kicking or yelling, he gets his way. He has found the most effective way that works for him.

It’s not as strange as you might think. And it can apply from sharing his belongings to working with other kids in class. Let’s look at an example to see how this might come about.

Suppose another child at school is picking on your son. And even when he tries to walk away, the teasing continues. Well, maybe he decides on another tact and become aggressive with the other boy, who backs down. Whoa, your son sees that this new aggressive behavior had positive results.

And when this happens, your son considers behaving like this with his sister and maybe even you.If it works in these other situations, it only reinforces the behavior. Your son will have discovered that this solution works best for him. It’s the easiest path to getting what he wants.

So you’ve got to stop this behavior before it gets worse. The solution is to use consequences to curtail inappropriate behavior and reinforce positive ones.

Consequences work by letting your child know in advance what will happen when the negative behavior occurs. In effect, you need to set a cause and effect relationship in his head. When he behaves badly, something negative happens to him.

Let’s use an example to illustrate how consequences work. Let’s say that whenever your son and daughter argue, both of them must go to their room. And after a specific time, they must come out and apologize.

Now they both know beforehand what will happen if they argue. So if they do argue, they understand they must face the consequences of their actions.

When you come to see how consequences work, you can also see how punishment doesn’t have the desired effect. In fact, punishment can often make a situation worse and cause resentment or other negative actions. Many parents confuse punishment and consequences.

This confusion is discussed in a free video I am making available. It discusses the number one mistakes parent make when applying consequences. Check out my website ADD ADHD Advances. Knowing how to use consequences is the first step to applying positive child discipline. It makes a big difference when trying to improve your kid’s behavior.

Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer who has been helping parents of children with ADHD and Oppositional Defiant Disorder online since 2003. Get help with Oppositional Defiant Disorder child behavior help with defiant teens ADHD treatment and ADHD. Check out our Free video that discusses the number one mistakes parent make when applying consequences.